Year's End

This year has been a bumpy one for me. There have been the downs:

• losing my dearest kitty friend, Minushka
• having to leave work that exposed me to amazing aspects of creation
• a trip to the mental hospital
• delving into some of my darkest shadows and deepest hurts which keep me from embracing relationship in all forms
• the sad state of our country and world

and there have been ups: 

• finding new work that inspires me and supports me even more 
• moving into a new home that is lovely and nurturing
• creating an herb garden and harvesting my own herbs
• learning more about herbalism
• developing an authentic movement and meditation practice that sustain me
• new friends who are supportive and inspiring
• being part of a team of women producing an amazing series on Teilhard de Chardin
• collaborating with another amazing group of women on a public art project (see poem booth)
• publishing a book of poetry
• finding deeper resources within myself
• unearthing more authentic ways of being in the world
• growing my trust in the mystery

It is nice to see that my "ups" list is longer than my "downs" list. But some of those "downs" are pretty major...including the last bit about the sad state of the world. I have been wrestling with some deep issues around the feminine and how hurt and, well, pissed off the greater archytype of the feminine, I call the divine feminine, seems to me to be these days. I've had dreams where I have ritually sacraficed men by tearing out their hearts and eating them. I have also had dreams where it seems like the feminine was allowing herself to be abused, knowing that this is just part of the larger dance of the cosmos. 

Whatever the reality of what is going on, it feels appropriate and necessary to express my anger as this year comes to a close...as if this will allow things to close with more clarity. It also feels appropriate to send the year off with a bit of hope. So with these two obectives in mind, I submit to you two poems with hope they will inspire the kind of strength and clarity we will need in 2017

The feminine has been pierced
and she is angry with hurt
blood and semen mix
in this hot wound.
A black revenge
called desire
will suck you dry
so you have to fight
show yourself the "big man"
and yet how small you are
in the womb of the universe.
This mother will be the one
to f---- you in the end
for all die at her hands
even the crude ones
who clutch their power
and flaunt their impotence

------
My inner darkness is a guide
little trusted
fearfully understood
but it knows far better
the path my soul must take
towards wholeness
a one way flight
to lands unknown
direction, movement
but still a life lived in the clouds
you will ground me, O darkness
according to your divine timing
and the landing may hurt
but I will be there waiting
present to the luggage
that follows me
ready to pick up
​and move

​